Beyond My Control

I have landed on the Land of Smile, Thailand with an objective to earn my Master Degree in Leadership & Human Resource Management under the Thailand International Cooperation Agency scholarship that keeps me alive with little stuff that I can buy from my stipend of seven thousand Bahts monthly. The internet prepaid of four hundred bahts from seven thousand leaves me only six thousand six hundred in my pocket to complete the month long food expenses. My local travel expenses are to be met from this balance anyhow like visiting hospitals frequently and doing some shopping for kitchen items. Having to survive with that little amount is challenging and daunting task that I am fighting with. Wishful thinking of increasing our stipend is just like dreaming to build castle on sand bank.  It was beyond my control and no powerful mundane gods could come and throw some additional bahts to cushioned my pockets in my room. Dreams to visit beautiful places in Thailand is absolutely cut and broken due to thin pocket that I carry with me.  

Having to struggle with limited money in my pocket along with chronic hyper acidity in my stomach is further worsened by continuous sad and bad news of passing away of my In-law sister, nephew and In-law brother  in Bhutan recently. The information of their sad demise is fed to me very fast with the help of information technology like Wechat and Lines. Every moment of their approaching death is updated and the pain at my heart is unbearable one. Though I am far away from them, but the emotional pain is going through my heart and mind since I cannot meet them anyway. I am all alone suffering here in my room saying some prayers for their peaceful journey after death and to knock the door of Blissful Paradise of Guru Rinpoche and Chenrizi. The journey after death is like moving on the rough seas where the soul gets tortured endlessly before getting another rebirth in the form of human beings or animals depending on their merits collected during their stay on this earth as human beings. The power of merits will help the dead souls to gain any wishes that they make during the intermediate state of "Bardo". Therefore, doing some good deeds for their demise by the relatives is highly important as Buddhist concept of interdependence law of human life and death.

It was beyond my control, you all left me in sad and void mood alone here in the Land of Smile. I have no time to smile but feel always heavy at heart. How lucky to be born as my family members for very brief stay  on in this world as human being and bid me farewell suddenly leaving no traces of your faces and achievements in life. As said" Happy to meet but sad to depart", you all departed as destined to be. I know the fact that even if ten thousand Buddha cannot save us from schedule of "Death". It will snatch away our life forces and leave behind all crying family, friends and relatives for your passing away. You, demised souls can see me, but I cannot see you at all due to my limited realization or non-achievement of wisdom eye. Such are the facts of human life; birth, aging and death comes to everyone. It is just matter of who will go earlier and later but everyone has to pass this gate. Nonetheless, your passing away has alerted me to concentrate more on my meditation practices and you all are my teachers of impermanence and uncertain in life.  Let me pray that, we all will be reborn in the same family and continue to spread the Buddha Dharma and serve the sentient beings with sincere and dedicated hearts. May you all experience the visit of Dankinis for reception and attain the perfect peace.

Mindu Wangdi